A hike called love, unsatisfactory
Two friends going on a hike: Jim and Bob. Jim can't wait for the summit, for the 5 longs hours of hiking, he can't stop imagining how beautiful the end will be, how fulfilling it will be, how achieving his goal will feel so great. Bob, on the other hand, enjoys the very hike, he takes his time, he admires the view in the way, the summit isn't his principal goal.
Our current social paradigm has a very clear consensus on the winner of the situation: Bob. As he enjoys the hike itself as well as the summit, he is deemed more wise than Jim who is eager to reach the top. And with that, for the most general of situations, I agree. But I have in mind an exception, a perverse one that applies to myself although I don't want to assimilate with it, but I keep observing it: the hike called love
In other words, as I hate to even say it as it goes so against my current intuition of the morally correct love model, I feel that I might be Bob in the way I approach a romantic relationship: if the successful declaration of love and therefore the "being together" is the summit, I fear that I might be enjoying more the very peripeteia until that very moment.
In the realm of love and relationship, the Jim model actually shine in ethics as Jim cherishes the summit, the act of being in the relationship, and he is driven to keep it going.
The problem arises less from the morally intuitively wrong approach of Bob, but with the contradiction of my own aspiration. In fact, I believe that moral criticism is unjustified when aimed at people who jump from lovers to lovers. But I've come to realize, as I spend time in the beautiful environnement of which I'm living in (which I do not wish to share for privacy) but also as I face with my very own weakness towards solitude, that I wish to have a family, a wife and children. But the Bob approach is inherently unsustainable and destructive for long term companionship as my drive is the pursuit of love less then the persistence of it.
It is a akward idea to think, if such aspect of my character is true, that I will never be able to have a satisfactory long term relationship as this is inherently exclusive of the constant pursuit of love. Perhaps the answer is the common story of THE one, that girl that shines over all the others, the soul mate, the destined one. That would be indeed a very nice promise, but if such prophecy is false, I might find either myself dying alone, or completely snapping midway in a marriage; both very unwanted.
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